When my husband and I first started dating, not a month had passed since our first kiss when he asked me if I had seen the 1971 cult classic movie Harold and Maude. I hadn't, although I remembered passing it over it countless times while perusing titles at my local video store. Truth be told, I don't think I ever so much as picked up the box to read the synopsis on the back... but I remembered seeing it clear as day, probably hundreds of times by then.
My then-brand-new-boyfriend's reaction to the news that I had never seen Harold and Maude was akin to what you might expect to see on the face of a Mormon missionary who'd just been told by the inhabitant of the house whose door he'd knocked on that they do indeed want to learn more about Jesus and Joseph Smith. His usually stormy blue eyes sparkled with a brilliance I'd not seen before as a mischevious smile crept across his face. He took my hand in one of his and grabbed the car keys with the other.
On the way to the video store, he explained that it's not the kind of movie he could tell me anything about; I'd have to see it for myself and form my own opinion on it free from any influence from him -- an impossibility at that point given this giddy level of excitement I was witnessing. There was only one thing he would share with me: a certain scene contained a piece of information so crucial that if missed, the movie's impact is significantly diminished. To that he added that this pivotal scene in Harold and Maude only lasted a few seconds and there were no verbal exchanges during it at all. He confessed that he'd missed it the first couple of times he saw the movie, but when he did finally catch it, he said it completely and totally changed everything he'd thought about the movie up to that point.
I was intrigued to say the least.
The Story
Harold and Maude is a love story first and foremost, but it's so much more than that. What you take away from it is going to be colored by your own experiences, but that's part of the beauty of this movie; both Harold and Maude embody the two extremes that all of us fluctuate between during the course of our own lives. At the one end is depressed, lonely, death-obsessed Harold who floats through life with no purpose but to torture his egocentric monther with increasingly elaborate mock suicides. At the other end we have contagiously vivacious 79 year old Maude who steals cars to get from one place to another, rescues potted trees from city streets for transplantation to the woods and like Harold, happens to frequent funerals as a past time. This odd couple seems an unlikely pair if ever there was one, but as they say, opposites do attract.
The 60 year difference in age between these two main characters isn't only a vehicle for pointing out the importance of following your heart regardless of what anyone else might have to say about it, but it serves the dual purpose of showing how beautiful life can be when viewing it from a perspective of maturity and experience. To say that Maude teaches Harold a few things about living life to its fullest would be an understatement.
The imagery in this theatrical trailer doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the movie's depth, with the possible exception of the clip of Maude jauntily walking away from a funeral with a cheery yellow umbrella. "If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out", the Cat Stevens song playing, however, captures the spirit of the film perfectly.
Looking Closer
Like my husband, I don't want to ruin the movie for any of you who may not have seen it yet, so I'm not going to give away that afore-mentioned crucial piece of information here in this post. I will, however, point out that the final scene shown in the trailer where Harold and Maude are sitting together watching a sunset while seagulls swirl in the distance is where that fleeting key piece of information appears. If you have seen the movie and you don't recall anything significant about this scene that goes far beyond the conversation between the two main characters, then I recommend you go back and look closer at that scene.
When I watched it with my husband, he let me know when the scene arrived that I needed to pay close attention. All conversation ceased and we both sat in silence, glued to the television screen. Having had my attention completely and totally devoted to every detail, I saw it immediately and the emotional impact of it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even now, as I write about the memory, my eyes are welling up and a small lump has erupted in my throat... it's that powerful.
In retrospect, I can see now why my husband had been so anxious to introduce me to Harold and Maude. It's the type of movie where you can learn a lot about a person by their reaction to it... no doubt the prospect of discussing the movie after I'd seen it was what had him so excited, much like Cameran Diaz's character was in There's Something About Mary when she declared it "the greatest love story of our time". As my husband and I were still very much just getting to know each other, I'm sure he saw getting my reaction to Harold and Maude as an opportunity to read the Cliff's Notes on who I am at my core.
Would I be freaked out, disgusted, appalled, or otherwise put off by the unconventional pairing of 20-something Harold and 79 year old Maude? Would I think Harold was an immature or weak in some way in his being so desperate for his mother's attention? Would I think Maude was nothing more than a flighty nutcase? Or was I the woman he thought and hoped I was?
After that first viewing of the film -- which we now own -- we had a lengthy discussion on the prototypical representations of societal factions in the film; the priest, military general and psychologist who all weigh in on Harold's decision to propose to Maude. That one conversation spoke volumes on the roles that religion, politics and personal beliefs played in each of our own lives. Obviously we were on the same page across the board or else I very much doubt we would have made it this long (nine years) together... and that's what it's all about, isn't it? I can think of no greater joy than finding that one person on the face of the planet who complements you so completely that you feel like half a person without them. That's essentially the bottom line in Harold and Maude, which I think is best summed up by that sage educator, Dr. Seuss:
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
If you have yet to see Harold and Maude, or if you've seen it, but you don't know what I'm referring to with the seagull/sunset scene, set aside an evening to give this movie your full attention. Take in the song placement and lyrics throughout the film, consider the depth of the things that Maude says to Harold (the daisy scene, for example), really try to wrap your head around how what you've been taught to accept as "normal" or "right" within the contraints of the society you were raised in can sometimes be at odds with what your heart tells you is right for you.
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